Deadspin

How To Destroy Baseball In One Easy Step [Mlb]

Barry Petchesky — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 22:00:00 EST

A special committee has been looking into way to solve baseball's parity problems, and one of the proposed fixes will blow your freaking mind. Picture realignment, every season, based on teams choosing the division they want to be in. More »

Dykstra Strikes Out With The Help, Gets Sued [Mlb]

Barry Petchesky — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:30:00 EST

His financial empire in ruins, can we begrudge Lenny Dykstra his desire for a blow job? Yes we can, when he wants it from his personal assistant, and it's entirely non-consensual. More »

Even The Promotional Copy For Rick Reilly®'s New Book Is Phoned-In [Media Meltdowns]

Tommy Craggs — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:00:11 EST

"His new book — out May 4, 2010 — is called 'Sports From Hell, My Two-year Search for the World's Dumbest Competition'. It's the account of his three-year search for the dumbest sport in the world." [ESPN, h/t Jordan] More »

Donavon Mcnabb Traded To San Fransisco; Donovan McNabb Still On Eagles [Duan!]

DAULERIO — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:25:57 EST

The pic above is from this website, which posted the phony McNabb trade rumor and has confused plenty of people, including poor Michael Smith, who was credited with breaking the phantom story this morning. More »

Kige Ramsey's Star Is Larger Than Most Natural Cave Systems In Kentucky [YouTubeSportsCelebrities ]

DAULERIO — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 17:55:43 EST

The "YouTube Sports" reporter's career is flowering. First, listen to him annihilate a Tennessee fan during a hillbilly debate on 104.5TheZone's "3 Hour Lunch" by boasting about Kentucky's "natural cave systems". Also, The Jimmy Fallon Show fellates him. More »

Fortunately, Drowning Is Only A Double Minor [Zamboners]

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 17:05:45 EST

Remember, Zamboni is a brand name for one specific ice resurfacing machine maker. For example, this one changes solid surfaces into liquid but it could've been manufactured by several different companies that will no longer honor the warranty. [DenverPost] More »

Beckham Prepares For A Tearful Reunion… With The Bench? []

The Spoiler — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:50:12 EST

"David! David! Daaaaviiiiiid!" More »

Detroit Lion Meets Real Lions To Raise Lion Awareness, Taunt Lions With Lions Helmet [Nfl]

David Matthews — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:15:30 EST

Today in animal news, Detroit Lions linebacker Zack Follet went to California's Cat Haven to visit with some real lions and create a video that will make you feel very, very stoned. More »

You, Dim PR Person, Are Dumb And Should Be Fired From Your Job, Part III [Prdummies]

DAULERIO — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 15:45:29 EST

PR people are stupid. Not all of them, just some of them. Like this person, who sent this pitch about "Oral Sex and Oral Cancer Linked" to a popular sports radio show's producer. Because they are dumb. More »

ESPN.com Helps Launch False "Obama Wants To Ban Fishing" Rumor [Media Meltdowns]

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 14:35:05 EST

Conservative websites are up in arms this week over the Obama administration's new plan to outlaw recreational fishing in America. It's an egregious abuse of executive power, slightly mitigated by the fact that it's not remotely close to being true. More »

South Africa Receives 42 Million Condoms For World Cup Orgy [World Cup]

DAULERIO — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:40:41 EST

Bracing for the influx of prostitutes and ESPN staffers this summer, Britain is doing its part to help prevent the spread of HIV in South Africa, which currently has 5.7 million people infected with the virus. [NYDN] More »

Report: NFL Draft Prospect Once Put His Tremendous Upside In His Sister [Nfl]

David Matthews — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:15:20 EST

Tony Washington, an o-line prospect from Division II Abilene Christian, impressed at the NFL Combine. However, like many prospects before him, a crime committed in his teen years might derail him, only this one involves having sex with his sister. More »

Senate Candidate Only Supports Government Takeover Of Hockey Logos [Nhl]

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 12:45:04 EST

Oregon Senate candidate Marc Delphine loves America so much that his web team co-opted the Columbus Blue Jackets logo and made it their own. Maybe Columbus can let us borrow their employee health plan too. [Thanks, Matt C.] More »

Corey Haim, Dead; Bill Simmons Mourns [Sad? Whimsy?]

DAULERIO — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 12:10:27 EST

Excpect 5,000 words on how Haim's death is comparable to River Phoenix's by 5 p.m. [SportsGuy33] More »

Washington Nationals: Go Natinals! [2010MLBPreviews]

Will Leitch — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 12:00:50 EST

Will Leitch will be previewing/musing on every baseball team each weekday until the start of the season. You can pre-order his book and follow him on Twitter. Today: Washington Nationals. More »

Black Hispanic Ballplayers Aren't Black Enough For Torii Hunter [Mlb]

Tommy Craggs — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 11:40:19 EST

"They're not us," Torii Hunter tells USA Today. "They're impostors." Yeah, he's going there. More »

In Case You Wanted Updates On Howard Stern's Tiger Woods Beauty Pageant... [Tiger Woods]

DAULERIO — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 11:25:37 EST

And...good morning!: 8:49 AM (2 hours ago) From Nick Denton to tips: jopiazza (@jopiazza) 3/10/10 8:31 Tigers mistress Jamie Jungers says she and Tiger had rough sex and...he is quite well endowed...oh and no condom! Sent with Tweetie More »

Tebow Draft Rationalization Watch: Pittsburgh Needs A Leader [NFL Draft]

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 10:20:01 EST

As the NFL Draft approaches, many team fanbases will attempt complex logical gymnastics to talk themselves into using a first-round pick on Florida quarterback Tim Tebow. Today: The Steelers try to solve their current quarterback's character issues. More »

Last Night's Winner: Derek Anderson [Last Night's Winner]

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 09:30:50 EST

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Browns occasionally starting quarterback who was finally released from his own personal Purgatory—even if Purgatory isn't exactly sad to see him go. More »

What's Black And White And Read All Over? [Wake Up Deadspin]

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:30:41 EST

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day. More »

Dallas Luminaries Join Forces To Raise Awareness Of Super Bowl XLV [Dallas]

David Matthews — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 01:00:00 EST

The Dallas-Fort Worth Fox affiliate brought a group of notable Dallas sports and news figures together to promote the upcoming Super Bowl (only 334 days!). Can you name them all? More »

Deadspin Casting Roundup: Vince Lombardi To Get Glory Road-ed [Movies]

David Matthews — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 20:45:00 EST

Legendary Fordham Football Rams coach Vince Lombardi's story is coming to the silver screen and Robert De Niro is set to play the Super Bowl trophy's namesake. In related news, the dad from The Wonder Years just fired his agent. [TheWrap] More »

Brazilian Indoor Soccer Player Dies In Just About The Most Horrific Fashion Imaginable [Death]

David Matthews — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 20:00:00 EST

A 23-year old Brazilian indoor soccer player, Robson Rocha Costa, died Sunday after sustaining injuries in a match. A piece of floor plank pierced his thigh and went into his intestine. More »

RSS Readers Will Not Get To See Where This Telestrator Vagina Came From [Duan!]

DAULERIO — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:45:53 EST

Yes, yes — I know. Those of you reading this on RSS will probably only get a portion of this message and it will leave you wondering, "Hey, what the crap happened to the full Deadspin feed, those greedy basta..." More »

Stephen Strasburg Performs Miracle Of Turning 27 Pitches Into Six Outs [Mlb]

Tommy Craggs — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:25:09 EST

Baseball Jesus Stephen Strasburg debuted today against the Tigers and pitched two scoreless innings. He gave up back-to-back two-out singles in the second, finished with a strikeout, and transubstantiated into Miguel Batista. [ESPN] More »

Should Connecticut Women's Basketball Be Disbanded? [Women's College Basketball]

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 16:35:29 EST

The UConn women's basketball team has won 71 games in a row, breaking a record set by....UConn, seven years ago. If they keep winning like this, soon even people who care about women's basketball won't care about women's basketball anymore. More »

Snackbots, Astrobating, And Magic Condiment Fingers [Funbag]

Drew Magary — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 16:20:22 EST

Time for your Tuesday edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Find more of Drew's stuff at KSK or on Twitter. Today, we're covering Southwest boarding, porn, Goober, baskets, prison shitting, forks, majors, and more. More »

Peter King Leads The League In Obliviousness, Strange Notions Of Justice (UPDATE) [Ben Roethlisberger]

Tommy Craggs — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 15:50:03 EST

Whenever a football story drifts beyond football and contracts and whatever Brett Favre just text-messaged from his ride mower, we can always count on Peter King to give voice to the most oblivious and casually insensitive thought in his head. More »

Papists Ruining Serie A: Blasphemy Now Suspendable Offense [God]

David Matthews — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 14:45:08 EST

Chievo coach Domenico Di Carlo has been suspended for this Sunday's match against Bari for taking God's name in vain. Next week: Luca Toni raps your knuckles with a ruler for goofing off during prayer time. [Goal] More »

Amber Alert In Canada After Hockey Trading Cards Vanish [Oh Canada]

David Matthews — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 14:15:26 EST

If an insured shipment of hockey trading cards is shipped from Newfoundland, when will it arrive in Ontario? Trick question; the post office will ~~steal~~ lose it. If you have any information, you know what to do. [UPI] More »

Big Ben Photographer Speaks; GCSU Says No Comment [Ben Roethlisberger]

Hunter Walker — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 13:40:59 EST

On Thursday, Justin, a senior at GCSU, snapped a photo of Ben Roethlisberger with a young woman. As with a lot of things that night, that photo's now the subject of innuendo and insinuation, some of it, Justin says, misguided. More »

Tim Tebow's Signature Will Save Our Economy [Nfl]

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 12:45:29 EST

The world's greatest undrafted free agent held his first "official" autograph signing last weekend and since he's no longer an amateur, his signature will now cost you a pretty penny. Or $160 if you want to get technical about it. More »

Tampa Bay Rays: A Nuclear Switzerland [2010MLBPreviews]

Will Leitch — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 12:10:19 EST

Will Leitch will be previewing/musing on every baseball team each weekday until the start of the season. You can pre-order his book and follow him on Twitter. Today: Tampa Bay Rays. More »

Simmons-Olbermann Feud Tweeted To An Unsatisfying Conclusion [Ennnnnd Scene]

Tommy Craggs — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 10:50:19 EST

Just so we're clear: The Sports Fella did not get into writing to respond to Keith Olbermann's response to Simmons's response to Olbermann's response to that one column Simmons wrote in crayon. [@sportsguy33] More »

Last Night's Winner: The Boston Yankees [Last Night's Winner]

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 10:35:13 EST

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like ad sales software that scored another big success for targeted online marketing campaigns. Because who needs Yankee tickets more than the people of Boston? More »

Get Your Head In The Game [Wake Up Deadspin]

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 08:15:10 EST

Cranky Old Sportscaster Unloads On Congress, Curling [DUAN]

David Matthews — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 19:15:00 EST

Beano Cook is an American treasure, and nearly 66% of you agreed with that assessment about two years ago. From his rapier wit to his extensive knowledge of the game, Cook deserves our respect. But, let's have some fun instead. More »

The Olbermann-Simmons Feud Is Getting Feisty [Media Meltdowns]

Tommy Craggs — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:45:41 EST

Wherever you come down in the Keith Olbermann-Bill Simmons blood feud, you can surely agree that the former just drew a helluva line in the sand by calling Simmons "the most uncontrollable, unmanageable talent in the history of ESPN." More »

Jim Schwartz Pursues Free Agents Like A Deranged Ex-Boyfriend [Creepy]

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:30:20 EST

How do you convince talented and (mostly) sane players to move to Detroit and play for the Lions? If you're Jim Schwartz you sit outside their house in the middle of the night and leave heaving breathing on their voicemail. More »