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michaelmalice

  1. Really, shirtless joggers? _Really_? about 5 hours ago via txt
  2. If you bust out the card tricks, the conversation is over. 7:47 PM Jul 29th via txt
  3. Microsoft Word thinks "unstimulating" is not a word--and offer no spelling suggestions. #WordFail 12:43 PM Jul 29th via web
  4. Strand sold out Shukerts new book. Good for her, bad for me! 5:51 PM Jul 27th via txt
  5. If you prank call me asking to speak to one of my plants, I will tell you that you sound fat. #YouDoneBeenTold 9:37 PM Jul 25th via txt
  6. Someone needs to make Godzilla vs. Cthulhu already. 9:11 AM Jul 24th via web
  7. Off to hang with the KC Royals. Hate baseball but love royalty, so I'ma hashtag this one as #Win. 7:18 PM Jul 23rd via web
  8. Singapore Slings with @laurenleto at Zombie Hit 7:22 PM Jul 22nd via txt
  9. Consensus: Wildwood BBQ Union Square is disgusting 5:51 PM Jul 18th via txt
  10. Any film governed by many complex rules that characters constantly explain to each other (and the audience) is fail #Inception 3:51 PM Jul 18th via txt
  11. @luxnightmare duane reade Milk & Honey. you're prob right in general. 10:24 AM Jul 16th via web in reply to luxnightmare
  12. Ran out of shaving cream so I used handsoap. Smoothest shave ever, never buying cream again. 9:44 AM Jul 16th via web
  13. @lizlemmon thanks doogs! 10:44 PM Jul 12th via web in reply to lizlemmon
  14. My eulogy for my buddy Harvey: http://bit.ly/baWTCm 11:15 AM Jul 12th via web
  15. God I feel like I want to jump off a bridge. 10:28 AM Jul 12th via web
  16. Man I can't remember the last time I cried. This is brutal. 9:31 AM Jul 12th via web
  17. @dashb0t saw them in concerrt because I wanted to see Tuscadero. baffled that they are on your radar screen. PS plant is saved 8:14 AM Jul 11th via web in reply to dashb0t
  18. Each of the 4 times I told the Sandwich Artist I wanted vinegar, she just held up the green peppers in confusion. #SpecialOlympicsMonth 9:18 AM Jul 9th via web
  19. Maybe batman feels guilt because he did nothing while parents got killed like a little bitch 5:11 PM Jul 8th via txt
  20. Sometimes sabotage is really just laziness or incompetence #OneToGrowOn 3:14 PM Jul 8th via txt